Lighten Up, Scouts
by Fyrshi
Summary: Due to a desire to not beg off Mikasa for the rest of his college life, his intense hatred of instant noodles for all meals of the day and a burning wish to live his life away from a cardboard box, Eren finds himself juggling college and a boring office job. Or, at least, it's boring until Jean interferes... [Crack Humour/Romance; Office AU; Rated M for profanity]
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **First things first- this is going to be a watered-down version of the fic (because there will be romantic scenes later on and I don't want this story to get deleted so I'll keep things safe and M-rated for now), so if you want the full and unabridged version then go onto AO3, search up this fic title and you'll find the full version there. Secondly, I'm going to tentatively promise weekly updates but I say 'tentatively' because I may be getting a job and a life. Maybe._

_In any case, this is just a crack-ish Ereri Office AU to warm your soul so read it, enjoy it, and skip over the minor inaccuracies that might arise from a kid writing about college, jobs and stuff when they're barely out of high school. Whoot. Oh, and I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, so there's that too. And I'll get onto the chapters now..._

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><p><span><strong>Chapter One: Where It All Began<strong>

Eren was bored, as he normally was these days.

He didn't really know why he'd chosen a desk job, of all things. Eren reasons that it was because of the persuasive way in which half his friends recommended the site as the best place to get a first job, but he's not really sure anymore.

It was true that most of his friends were working in the same place as him while they laboured through their college years and that the pay was surprisingly good for such an occupation, but there was nothing to _do_ half the time. If he wasn't pushing papers around the desk, he was yawning or sighing or doing a whole heap of other things that did nothing to ease his perpetual boredom.

Or, at least, he would've been—

"Oi, brat, stop looking for shit under your nails and get back to work."

—if it wasn't for his hard-ass supervisor.

Levi Ackerman was probably one of the worst bosses he could've ever hoped for. If he wasn't calling him a brat or a little shit or some other derogatory name, he was mumbling profanities into his teacup or scrubbing at anything within his reach. Although his boss had a private cubicle that was situated as far away from everyone else's as possible, he couldn't so much as fart without getting an eyeful of Levi's disdainful glare and it irked him to be under his eye so much.

"Jaeger, did you hear me, or are those fleshy things you call 'ears' just decorations on your head?" Levi growled in irritation, which effectively cut through his thoughts and forced him to pay attention to his unamused superior.

If Eren hadn't been intent on surviving college on more than one meal a day, he might've replied with something snarky, like "Well, _Ackerman_, can you see that I don't care, or are those things in your head just decorative glass marbles?"

…but, being the life-loving person that he was, he merely mumbled a toneless "Yes Sir," and attempted to make his procrastinating efforts a little less obvious to the naked eye.

_Then again_, Eren thought blearily, as Levi huffed and made his way back to his private cubicle, _he's only this bitchy towards me because I pissed him off first_.

Or, if he wanted to be technical, it was his and Jean's fault for pissing him off, and he'd been unlucky enough to incur Levi's wrath more than Horseface had.

Even though Eren had knew Jean since they were toddlers in the local preschool, it was impossible for them to get along with one another. If they weren't pulling faces at one another, they were actively sabotaging any efforts the other made to do simple things like get lunch or find a girlfriend, which was probably why they were still single virgins at the age of 21. Sure, they'd fooled around with one another when they'd had too much alcohol to drink, but it didn't count when they were drunk off their asses and a brick wall looked just as attractive as each other– but that was beside the point.

If Eren remembered things correctly, Jean had been the one that'd helped him get the job around a month or so ago. Unfortunately, his employers had believed that they were good friends and had put their cubicles side by side as a result of this misguided belief. It hadn't taken all that long for the two frenemies to get up to their usual mischief (though, since they were in a workplace, there was more that they could do to annoy the socks off each other) and it hadn't taken much longer for the floor's rather grouchy superior to banish them to opposite sides of the building.

So, because he couldn't 'accidentally' spill ink into Jean's coffee mug or leave highly embarrassing messages on his desk anymore, Eren had been resigned to pushing papers around his own desk.

_Well, at least Jean looks just as bored_, Eren though smugly to himself, when the lunch break finally came around and he'd descended to the cafeteria,_ if the dull expression on his face is anything to go by._

Not that, of course, it was any good consolation… but at least it was _somewhat_ consoling.

"Heya Jean," Eren loudly greeted, and he was pleased to see Jean's face darken when his gaze landed on him. "Did you have fun _horsing_ around at your desk?"

"Very funny, idiot," Jean bit back, before he swiped a sandwich off Eren's plate and sat opposite him. "It was so funny that I forgot to guffaw at your stupid wit."

"Wow, what's got your panties in a twist?" Eren mumbled crossly, though there was a hint of curiosity in his tone as he surveyed Jean's grumpy expression. It was odd to see him so riled up from their usual greeting and, now that he could see him up close, he seemed a little more on edge than usual.

"It's none of your business–" Jean began, but something flashed in his eyes as he suddenly cut himself off and allowed a smirk to spread on his face. "Well, actually, it's going to be your business now. Do you have a few minutes to spare?"

Taken aback by Jean's sudden shift in mood, the only word that Eren could utter was an unintelligent "Uh… yeah?"

And, before he knew it, Eren had been whisked out of the company's cafeteria and found himself in a rather squashy toilet cubicle with Jean, of all people, in his face.

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"Whoa, whoa, wait a moment." Eren sat down on the toilet seat and clutched his head confusedly, before he glanced blearily at Jean. "Come again?"

"For the third time, you dimwit," Jean angrily huffed, "I'm organizing a little game to liven up our days a bit in this damn boring office, and I asked if you wanted to join out of the goodness of my heart. Now are you in or are you out?"

The 'little game' that Jean was talking about was referring to one of the dumbest ideas that Eren had ever heard in his life. For some odd reason, Horseface had gotten the rather terrible idea to play pranks on their colleagues and, from the sounds of it, he wanted to have a 'friendly' competition with him to see who could get away with the most outrageous pranks without getting fired.

Now, as much as he _loved_ the prospect of losing his job, Eren had enough brains to figure out that Levi would flay him alive if he so much as put a single toe out of line. He still shuddered at the memory of getting his superior's Evil Eye and he was intent on ensuring that it didn't happen again.

…Yet even so, there was still a small (and particularly juvenile) part of him that wanted to play.

"So you're saying that we do a dare every day for a set amount of points…" Eren wrinkled his brow and pursed his lips as he racked his mind, before he continued talking. "And we have to do all this without incurring Levi's or anyone else's fury?"

"Goddammit, Eren, the answer's still going to be 'yes', no matter how many times you repeat things," Jean growled, before he leant down and shoved his face into Eren's. "So whaddaya say, idiot? Are you gonna keep pussyfooting around or are you going to man up and play?"

"I'm a fucking man whether I play this stupid game or not!" Eren yelled back, and their cubicle went silent for a few moments as his voice bounced off the tiles and reverberated around them.

"But seriously," Eren continued, when he was sure that nobody was going to burst into their toilet cubicle and yell at them for using it as an unofficial meeting-room, "you do realize that Levi will shit bricks if he ever gets wind of this, right?"

"Tch, so the only reason you're holding back is because you're scared of that cranky old man?" A smirk crept onto Jean's face and Eren almost thought he could see cogs turning in the guy's head as he mulled over his own words. "Wow, you really _have_ become a whipped cur, haven't you?"

"He doesn't control me, and you know it!" Eren hissed darkly, and he batted away at his dwindling conscience as he stood up and stared challengingly into Jean's eyes. "But if you're really insistent on doing this, then you'd better expect to get your ass whooped by me!"

"Nah, you're the one who's going to get his ass handed back on a gilded platter," Jean snarled back, but there was a smug look in his eyes that Eren could see, and he didn't particularly like the looks of it.

"Now," Jean continued, as he fished around for something in his pockets, "I've already asked Connie and Sasha to join, so they've got their dares all ready to go for the afternoon–"

_I can see how he'd get Connie to join, _Eren thought to himself, _but how the hell did he get Sasha to join as well? Did he bribe her with food…?_

"–and the only person who has to pick is you," Jean finished smugly, as he held out a few scraps of paper in his hands. "So go on, get a slip already."

Even though his suppressed conscience was making an effort to make him reconsider this crazy idea, Eren found himself reaching for a paper and taking a random one in his hands. However, before he could look at it, he found himself propelled out of the squishy cubicle and into the empty corridor that led to the deserted bathroom.

"Remember, Eren," Jean whispered into his ear, "don't let anyone know that you're playing this game, and try not to get fired while you're playing. After all, it would be _such_ a pity if you were kicked out for being your idiotic self, don't you think?"

But, before Eren could hope to reply, Jean breezed past him and re-entered the cafeteria.

And, with a tired sigh, Eren followed after him and resumed his lunch… which, much to his surprise, hadn't been stolen by any of his hungry colleagues.

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Eren had almost forgotten about the strange game he'd been dragged into by the time the lunch break had finished. After he'd found his best friend, Armin, and engaged in a bitching session about his stupid boss and his ever-present boredom, his mind had been almost completely occupied by the usual negative thoughts that he attached to Levi's general image.

In fact, if it wasn't for the crude message on his desk, he might've ruined his laundry by washing the slip of paper and its inky contents with his shirts and pants.

The chicken-scrawl sat squarely above the pile of sheets that he was supposed to leaf through for the afternoon and, when Eren had first laid eyes on it, he'd thought that it was just another sheet that he'd have to leaf through. However, when he'd picked it up and examined it, he could see the tell-tale signs of Jean's atrocious handwriting across the slightly yellowed page.

Even though he could almost mistake the writing for hieroglyphs, Eren could see that the sheet had some sort of rules system pencilled onto it. There was a table beneath it, with his name and a few others' written messily across the first row and numbers in the first column, and there were a few ink marks to suggest that Jean had dragged his hand across the drying ink again. Written rather clearly at the bottom was the words 'DON'T LET ANYONE SEE THIS' and a few more smudged marks, but that was all there was to the paper.

As Eren sighed and shoved the sheet under a particularly loaded tray, he quickly glanced around to see if anyone was around, before he drew his dare out of his breast pocket. Although the writing was marginally neater than what he had just seen, it still took him a while to decipher its words.

However, when he finally managed to read the sentence, he almost wished that he couldn't read it.

_Speak in a foreign language, regardless of whether you know one or not, for the rest of the day.  
><em>**[**4 points**]**

Because, if he wasn't dead by the time his work day ended… he was _definitely_ going to kill Jean.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **I hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter~_

_Oh, and leave a review if you've got any dares or suggestions that you want to give me, I guess ^^~_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: **Forgive me for my broken German/Turkish (which appeared in this story thanks to the help of Google Translate) and the smattering of French that I stuck in there from what little I remember of my French-learning days. I've taken out the translations for the German/Turkish/French but, if the readers would prefer me to stick the translations in, then I shall include them for easier comprehension of the dialogue. Anyhow, enough of my rambling; here's the second chapter and the first one with dares~_

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><p><strong><span>Chapter Two: Entschuldigung, Konuşur Musun Gibberish?<span>  
><strong>**[Excuse Me, Do You Speak Gibberish?]**

Eren's first (and probably most rational) instinct was to ball up the slip and toss it into his waste basket, Jean's teasing be damned. As much as he hated the prospect of listening to Jean's jeering throughout their shared college lectures, the thought of speaking to Levi in his failing German or Turkish (or, god forbid, some made-up language) was simply suicidal. If he was already aggravated by his incoherent mumbling, then what was he going to think of his gibberish?

The scenario that popped into his mind was enough to make him shudder.

As a resigned sigh forced its way past his lips, Eren reached towards the phone on his desk and began to punch a few numbers in. It was the company's policy to provide each employee with a company phone to contact others in the building for 'strictly business' purposes, but this was a sort of business that he wouldn't exactly call 'company business'.

Then again, he wasn't stupid enough to walk all the way across the floor and risk getting his ass kicked by Levi because of the man's damn beady eyes, so this was the safer of two options. Or, at least, it seemed like this was the less dangerous option.

For now, though, he just hoped that nobody would listen in on his conversation later on.

The empty dialling tone came in intermittent blasts out of the receiver as Eren waited for a response but, just as he was about to hang up, the noise finally stopped repeating itself in his ear. For a moment, he wondered if the mysterious someone that was probably looking through the phone records had picked up on his call and denied it on his behalf, but the irrational thought bled into nothing when an all too familiar voice brayed back at him.

"_Kirschtein speaking,"_ Jean announced in the bored voice that he always used for official calls like this.

"Hello Mr Kirschtein," Eren started, and he swore he heard Horseface quirk an eyebrow on the other side of the call. "Could I discuss the, uh, _conditions_ of our lunchtime meeting with you?"

"_Well, Mr Jaeger,"_ Jean replied formally, though there was an underlying tone of smugness that Eren could faintly detect, _"what would you like to discuss?"_

As much as he wanted to swear down the line at _Mister_ Kirschtein, the nagging fear that his phone was tapped prevented him from losing his temper. However, despite his fears of being caught for misuse of the company's phone service, he continued to speak in an unwavering tone.

"Mr Kirschtein," Eren enunciated slowly, just in case the dimwit on the other side couldn't understand his comment, "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to renegade on our agreement—"

If Eren had been at home and nobody had been around to hear him, the blast of noise that came out from the earpiece would've caused him to jump up from his chair and swear rather colourfully at the phone. As it was, though, it took a while for him to let go of the urge to throw the unoffending plastic thing onto the ground and whimper from the pain in his ear.

"What the _heck_ was that?!" Eren half-whispered, half-yelled into the mouthpiece. At this point, his right ear was in so much pain that he didn't care about his crass words or his supposed eavesdroppers anymore.

"_Oh, I was drowning out the sound of your denial with my foghorn," _Jean replied, and Eren would've had to be deaf if he didn't hear the smugness in his tone.

…Then again, he was practically deaf because of said smug bastard.

"And why, exactly, were you doing that?" Eren angrily hissed.

"_Why, isn't it obvious?" _Jean smugly shot back. _"I'm fulfilling my side of our 'agreement', Mr Jaeger, which is far more than I can say for you."_

"Pardon me, Mr Kirschtein," Eren forced through clenched teeth, "but whatever makes you think that I haven't fulfilled it already?"

"_I have my sources," _Jean replied knowingly, _"so if you don't want me to make up a lie that connects my foghorn to your mischief, then I'd suggest that you get started on it soon."_

If Eren had possessed the sorts of eyes that could shoot lasers on command, the phone would've melted into a pathetic puddle on his desk by now. Unfortunately, since his eyes were the usual human sort, he resigned himself to growling into the mouthpiece and slamming the phone back in its cradle.

It was at this point that he noticed a rather amused face peering over his cubicle's wall.

Since the walls weren't all that high –they barely reached up to his shoulder– and the cubicles were arranged in little clusters, Eren had cubicles flanking him on every side, except for the one that gave him an opening into a communal corridor. He'd never paid attention to any of his neighbours before, thanks to the fact that he'd recently been moved to this particular one, but it was a little hard to look at the shaved head opposite him and not recognise it in an instant.

Because, as luck would have it, it seemed that Connie Springer was Jean's not-so-secret spy and a person that was fully capable of making sure that he did his dare.

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"Connie, man, I thought we were friends!" Eren complained.

"We are, Eren, but I'm helping Jean for the sake of making the workplace a little more interesting," Connie replied, before he peered over the dividing wall again. "Oh, and you should check your phone. Jean just said that he sent you a message."

Ordinarily, mobile phones weren't allowed to be used in the office, since there was no need to when there was the company's phones available. It was probably why Eren usually kept his switched off during work hours… but, for the sake of following Connie's overt hint, he switched it on when he was sure that Levi wasn't close enough to see him.

**[1 message(s) pending]** took up his screen when he managed to start up his phone. Since his budget could not factor in a smart phone, which was the current (and very expensive) trend amongst his wealthier friends, he had a so-called 'brick phone' that only allowed him to text and call people. As the pixelated words flashed a few times to get his attention, Eren huffed under his breath, before he went to his inbox and opened up the message.

_Subject: Big Brother is watching…  
>Make sure you do your dare. Connie and I know what it is and believe me, I will renegade on my promise to stop antagonizing you at the workplace if you don't complete it.<br>–Jean_

_Well,_ Eren thought grumpily as he finished reading the message, _that just made my goddamn day. Not only does Horseface know what I'm doing, Connie knows what I'm supposed to be doing too… and the worst thing is that I don't even know what anyone else is doing!_

"Oi, you little shit," a dry voice uttered right behind him, "whatever in the fuck are you looking at?"

Eren hadn't noticed Levi's presence thanks to the fact that he was too deep in thought to care but, when he saw his superior's displeased expression, he hastily tucked his mobile phone into his pocket as he plastered an awkward smile on his face and replied with a quick, "nothing, Sir."

"As I thought," Levi growled, and glared at Eren before he turned to leave. "Make sure you're doing something a little more productive when I come around again."

When Levi was no longer in Eren's field of vision, he childishly poked his tongue out at his boss' back and huffed angrily to himself, before he turned back to his desk. However, before he could go back to pretending that he was doing something of productive value, he found himself face to face with a pair of unamused brown eyes.

"You still haven't done your dare," Connie flatly muttered, with disappointment evident in his tone.

"And I don't intend to do it, either," Eren stubbornly replied. "For god's sake, Connie, can't you tell that our bastard of a boss has painted some sort of target onto my back?"

"…And so?" Connie asked, when Eren had almost given up on a response. "The Eren I know wouldn't tuck his tail between his legs and submit to hardships that easily."

"But the Eren you know also likes to live in confines a little fancier than a soggy cardboard box, thank you very much," Eren shot back, "so go and tell Jean that he can shove his dares up his—"

"Fine, fine," Connie huffily replied. "I'll go text him, since you're in no fit condition to fish your phone out when you're too scared of Ackerman to do anything."

As Connie ducked his head back down and did whatever he had to do, Eren sighed tiredly and leant back in his chair. If he didn't complete the dares, Connie would tell Jean and he'd go back to those days when Jean booby-trapped anything he could get his hands on. It always astounded him as to how Horseface managed to get away with everything he did and somehow pin the blame onto him, yet he could never return the favour and get the guy into trouble at all.

However, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud mumbling that he could hear in front of him.

"Eren… does… not… want… to… complete… his… dare," Connie laboriously said. "You… can… blame… him… for… the… foghorn… incident. I'll… help… you… if… you… need… backing… up."

"Um, dude," Eren interrupted, as he peered over the dividing wall. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Doing my dare, obviously," Connie replied, before he tacked on a huffy, "unlike you."

"…You do realize that I can hear exactly what you're going to send to Jean, right?" Eren continued incredulously.

"Uh, that's the whole point." Connie shook his head and pointed to a small gathering on the other side of the floor, before he continued. "You know, Jean's currently being interrogated as to why he's been blowing foghorns in everyone's faces, and he's stalling everyone for now. However, if I send him this text and he gets the all-clear to go ahead…"

"Oh my _god_, Connie," Eren growled angrily. "Are you seriously going to sell me out?"

"The answer is yes," Connie gravely replied, "unless you do your dare."

Eren had a sinking feeling when it came to Connie's rather blunt threat. He had no doubt as to his friend's plans to carry out said threat, just as he had absolute certainty in the fact that he was fucked either way, and it irritated him that he really only had one choice before him.

And so, with an irritated noise, he glared at Connie and finally made his decision.

"Lanet olsun, Connie, ben yapacağım!"

The triumphant and somewhat cheeky smile that he got in response did nothing to ease his sinking heart.

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When Connie had finally sent Eren's confirmation of his participation to Jean ("Eren… is… going… to… play… so… feel… free… to… use… your… original… excuse."), Eren found himself pleasantly surprised by the lack of speaking he'd had to do so far. Thanks to his position as one of the newer recruits in the company, he'd pretty much resigned himself to doing various odd jobs in the office, which would often include pointless tasks like proofreading reports and collecting multiple sheets from the photocopier.

But, for some odd reason, he'd already gone an hour without talking to anyone.

…Well, there were the odd times when Connie would ask him something for the sake of hearing him reply in his faltering German or stilted Turkish, depending on whatever first came to mind, but those didn't count. And besides, he enjoyed swearing at his so-called friend and then pretending that he'd said something mundane like 'yes' or 'no' instead, so it wasn't too laborious for him anyway.

At least it managed to brighten up his boring desk job, to a certain extent. The swearing helped him take his mind off the many sheets that lay insistently before him and demanded to be read and signed, but it could only do so much before his mind began to flat-line from boredom again.

Eren had just about reached his limit around five minutes ago– not that he'd know, since there wasn't a clock nearby and his wristwatch had broken around a week before. As he sighed rather loudly and pushed yet another form that needed to be signed around his table, he wondered if anything would magically appear and alleviate the rapid stagnation of his soul.

Just as his mental plea ascended to the heavens, he heard a weird thudding noise.

It sounded like someone had just kicked the partitions that ran between the cubicles, though the noise was a little too dull to sound like the impact of an expensive leather shoe on the shoddy walls. Then again, he had never kicked the walls before, so he wasn't exactly sure if he'd guessed right or not.

Instead of mentally debating the source of the noise, though, Eren stood up from his chair and peered curiously over the walls to see if he could spot the disturbance from within his cosy cubicle. However, when he couldn't seem to identify the source from where he was standing, he shrugged and wandered outside to see if he could spot it from there.

What he saw when he stepped outside nearly made his eyes bug out from his head.

Now, when most people wandered outside their cubicles, it was generally for one of four reasons, all of which involved the rapid progression of their beings from point A to point B. If they weren't getting something to eat or drink, relieving their bowels, delivering sheets or collecting sheets, most people would be found in the confines of their stuffy little workspaces. When most people did go out, they moved so quickly that they'd almost be a blur to the disinterested few that would neglect their work to stare out their doors and into the corridor.

However, there was someone in the corridor that didn't seem to be in any great hurry to move. In fact, if Eren didn't know any better, he'd guess that this person was rather happily taking their time with whatever they were doing.

It took him a while to figure out that the cheery person at the end of the corridor was Sasha, and it took him a little while longer to see that she was sticking something onto the walls. Before he could stifle his curiosity or will himself to go back to his cubicle, Eren drifted curiously down the corridor until he was in the empty space where the makeshift corridors ended and the edge of the floor began.

"…Äh, Sasha, was machst du?" Eren awkwardly asked.

Although it took a while for her to stop whatever she was doing so that she could turn around and answer him, it was evident that Sasha was surprised to see him there. It was also evident that she was somewhat amused by his heavily accented German, if the wide grin on her face was anything to go by.

"So Jean managed to get you to play as well, huh?" Sasha hummed brightly, before she gestured to the odd blue-black thing in front of them and proceeded to enlighten Eren. "But to answer your question, Eren, I'm doing my dare."

"Und was, genau, ist lhr es wagen?" Eren asked, and mentally cursed as Sasha's grin widened at his faltering words.

If he didn't know any better, he'd have thought that she was trying to bait him into speaking as well, just like her usual partner in crime, Connie, had been doing earlier. Perhaps he should switch to Turkish and swear at her... unless, of course, she also knew Turkish.

It was quite the conundrum, really. She could understand his German, but he didn't know as many swear words in Turkish…

"It's a portal, obviously," Sasha graciously explained, and cut through his thoughts as she did so. "And I'm going to climb into it once I'm done sticking it on this wall!"

"…Das wird nicht funktionieren," Eren deadpanned. "Du wirst eine Gehirnerschütterung wenn Ihr Kopf trifft diese Mauer."

"My head's going to be just fine, Eren!" Sasha giggled, before she waved him back and jumped up from her crouched position. "If everyone else can do their dares, then I'm sure that I can as well.

"So if you don't mind," she continued cheerily, as her grin widened substantially, "I'm going to see if I can find a new world on the other side of this sticker."

And, before Eren could turn back and distance himself from his half-crazy friend, Sasha ran head-first into the Portal stuck on the wall and found herself with a sizeable bruise forming on her forehead.

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As Eren tried and failed to swallow past the nervous lump in his throat, he briefly wondered how he'd managed to teleport from the floor's edge to Levi's private room.

…Well, 'teleport' probably wasn't the right word, if he was aiming for an accurate portrayal of his situation. It was more like he'd been borne upon the hypothetical wings of his very irate boss when Sasha's loud complaints had summoned the man.

He was probably stupid for hanging around as Sasha rubbed her head and almost burst into tears; in fact, if Eren remembered correctly, he had been the only bystander that was idling near his unfortunate friend when Levi descended upon them in a whirlwind of rage. Even though Eren had thought that the Portal was obviously a large removable sticker and, as such, would do no harm to the wall, his superior seemed to see things differently, especially if the preliminary rant that he'd given was any indication of the matter.

Not that he'd been paying attention to anything other than his chances of escaping, of course.

However, he'd been forced to pay attention when a pair of stormy grey eyes had turned to his blank green ones and Eren heard his boss bark out something to do with his immediate presence in his office. Before he could so much as raise his middle finger to the grumpy old man in the safe confines of his mind, Eren found himself being deposited into Levi's office, along with Levi himself.

Which brought him to his current, and extremely uncomfortable, situation.

"I'm still waiting for an explanation, you shitty brat," Levi growled at him from his position behind his desk. For some odd reason, his boss believed that he was responsible for Sasha's stupid antics, just like how he'd pinned the responsibility for almost all of Jean's old pranks on him.

It irritated him to no end… though he'd go through hell and high water before he'd admit that to Levi.

Not that he was in any condition to speak, as it were.

While he'd been frog-marched from one end of the corridor to the other, he'd managed to catch a glimpse of Connie's mouth moving out of the corner of his eye. Even though he wasn't a professional lip-reader, Eren knew when he was being threatened, and what Connie had been mouthing seemed to be a threat along the lines of Jean's continued pranks if he so much as coughed in English. The problem was that Levi wouldn't appreciate being spoken to in German or Turkish, the two languages that he was somewhat fluent in.

That left him with the option of speaking broken French in the hopes of Levi understanding his general meaning, or blabbering in gibberish in the hopes that his boss would deem him insane and leave him alone.

It wasn't a tough choice between the two, really.

"Err…" Eren eloquently started, as he scrambled for what little French he knew, "ce n'est pas… ma faute?"

Levi was silent for all about five seconds before he rocketed out of his chair and sank a clenched hand into Eren's suit.

"Are you fucking around with me, Jaeger?" Levi hissed, while Eren's inane thoughts drifted to how Levi's toes were barely on his seat, thanks to the ferocity with which he'd lunged out of his chair. "Does this _look_ like the city of love to you? We're in a fucking English office and I'm asking you a serious question, you dipshit, so answer me properly or suffer the consequences!"

It wasn't his fault, yet he was the one getting interrogated for his troubles. It was all Jean's fault for sticking him into this mess and Sasha's for being a loud fuck (and perhaps it was his, if he really wanted to blame himself for being the curious person that he was)– but it still wasn't fair either way! And, if Levi's forte was scaring the crap out of spineless people, then Eren's had to be rebelling against such strict control…

…because, before Levi could do anything else, Eren had wrenched his hand from his suit and levelled a fierce glare at his superior.

"Weißt du was?" Eren hissed, as he slipped back into his rusty German. "Du kannst gehen schieben die strafe bis jemand anderes in den arsch, weil ich bin krank und müde von all dem!

"Ich bin mit diesem, Levi fertig!" he roared as a final rejoinder, before he yanked the door open and slammed it behind him. "Tch, ich gehe nach hause."

Even though he'd arranged to go home with Armin, who tended to clock off at about the same time as he did (and was fortunately stationed on another floor of the building), Eren was too annoyed to stay any longer at the office. As much as he disliked walking uphill for half an hour, as he'd have to if he wanted to go back to his dormitory on foot, he loathed the idea of staying on the job for the next two hours, as he was expected to. They could dock his pay, for all he cared, because if he didn't get out soon then he was going to explode like those dodgy ACME bombs he would see in cartoons.

And so, as he ignored Connie's increasingly worried questions and Jean's probing gaze from across the floor, Eren quickly packed up his things and marched stiffly out the building.

It was only when he was halfway back home and foot-deep in some sort of dog poop that Eren realized he was in another sort of deep shit…

…because, once again, he was probably out of yet another job thanks to his uncontrollable temper.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: _**_It's not all bad for Eren... maybe. Of course, you could always leave a review speculating on the course of Eren's life, now that he's had that ugly one-sided argument with Levi, or you could always just leave a review. And yes, I have no shame OTL_

_By the way, if anyone's wondering about everyone's nationalities, I've been unoriginal and taken their nationalities off the general views I seem to get from my not-entirely-wide readings; Eren is German/Turkish, Sasha is German, Jean and Levi are French, and Erwin and Connie are English._


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: **Hooray, Eren's not quite gone yet! He's in for a treat, though..._

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><p>Eren was fortunate to have three days of college to deal with, because it gave him four other days to work or rest or do whatever else he wanted to do when he wasn't studying. However, on most days, he would often find himself getting roused out of bed by his room-mate, who was the studious early-bird that he publicly scoffed at and secretly admired.<p>

Today, unfortunately, was one of those days.

"Eren," Armin began, as a hint of annoyance seeped into his tone, "are you going to get out of bed today, or are you going to sulk in it like a five year old?"

The only response to Armin's displeased question was the brown mop of hair in Eren's bed, which fluffed up a little as its owner wriggled about in bed and pretended to be deaf to his growing irritation. However, as Armin was one of those persistent people that was unfortunate enough to know how to deal with Eren's moodiness in the morning, he continued to hover over his friend's prone figure.

"I don't know what happened," Armin continued, "but it's probably something to do with Levi or Jean again, isn't it? You're always pitching a fit over those two, I swear…"

This time, a small sliver of clouded green met his gaze as Eren turned around and cracked an eye open, but no words were forthcoming as of yet. Armin suppressed an exasperated sigh as he glanced at his wrist-watch and saw that he'd be late if he wasn't out of their room in the next 15 minutes, but he continued on anyway.

"Seriously, Eren, did Levi yell at you over something completely random again, or did Jean try to prank you for the umpteenth time?" Armin sighed and shook his head as a myriad petty circumstances came to mind, but he pushed them back in favour of speaking. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you can fix it—"

"There's no point…" Eren groaned, and Armin almost cheered aloud as he did.

…Well, it wasn't like Eren was a morning person anyway. It was hard to get him to wake up, let alone make him respond to questions within 10 minutes of his waking up, so for him to answer questions within 7 minutes meant that Eren was either accepting his fate as an early-bird's room-mate or there was something weighing rather heavily on his mind.

Knowing Eren, Armin suspected that it was the latter.

He was proven right mere moments later.

"I did something stupid yesterday and Levi's never going to let me live it down," Eren groaned, "and now I'm going to be out of a job and I'll have to live in a cardboard box on the side of the street."

"Um…" Armin rather eloquently replied. "Is there something that you need to tell me before you pack up and register at your local box factory then?"

The glare that Eren gave him would've been scary… were it not for his bloodshot eyes, his mussed-up hair and his half-awake expression.

"I suppose not," Armin replied, before he threw off Eren's blanket in one practiced motion and shook his head at Eren's angry squawk. "So quit being a hung-over drama queen and get into your suit, okay? I'm supposed to be at Hange's lab in half an hour and I'd like to get there on time, thank you."

Instead of arguing back, as he would've probably done with everyone else, Eren groaned one last time and rubbed at his sleep-glued eyes, before he reluctantly shuffled out of bed. His long-suffering best friend tended to get rather irate if Eren pushed his buttons too much and, if his intuition was right, he'd already shoved them a good number of times when he'd wreaked havoc in their room last night. As much as he wanted to stay in bed and ignore his well-meaning friend, there was a good chance that he'd be kicked out of it if he wasn't careful.

And so it was that Eren shuffled through his morning paces and found himself at the office within twenty minutes, all polished up and ready for hell to take him where he stood.

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Strangely enough, when Eren walked through the front doors, the fiery pits of hell weren't racing up to singe his shoes. Instead, the thing –or person, depending on how one saw things– that came to greet him was Jean's funny-looking face.

It was only when Jean had stopped in front of him that Eren managed to place what was wrong with his face… or, rather, what was making his horsey face look even more lopsided than usual.

"Yeah, don't you _dare_ say a word, Eren," Jean growled, as he self-consciously rubbed at the prominent bruise on his cheekbones. "And I think I owe you five dollars, because Levi's hits could _definitely_ make a dent in a cushion."

It took a while for him to make the connection between Jean's words and the dark blue patch on his face but, when he finally managed to figure it out, Eren found a snort involuntarily making its way out. After all, there was probably a good chance that he had managed to gain his injuries without inflicting any in return… and he couldn't help thinking that Jean was just a little idiotic for taking his boss on in a fight, much less a fist-fight.

He almost laughed aloud at the thought of Jean as a horse-faced 'hero' figure and Levi as the not-exactly-intimidating final boss.

"Oi, idiot," Jean dryly broke through his thoughts. "Are you going to stand there and laugh at your thoughts like a deranged fool, or are you going to get out of the doorway so that other people can get past you?"

As much as Eren wanted to rant and rail at Jean for his obtuse insults, it wasn't too hard to see that his friend was telling the truth. So, instead of letting his insults fly from his mouth, he sheepishly moved away from the doors and allowed them to close, before he rounded on Jean and let his first thought out of his mind.

"You've definitely got a few screws loose if you ever thought that you could take Levi on in a fight," Eren scoffed, and revelled in the surprised splutter that made its way out of Jean's mouth. "But in all seriousness, what possessed you to go up against him?"

"Nothing, obviously," Jean immediately fired back, but he sighed when a disbelieving brow arched up at his words. "Okay, look, I may or may not have seen you storming out of the office and I may or may not have forced Sasha and Connie to spill about your circumstances.

"I might've also gotten just a _little_ bit frantic at the thought of being responsible for finally turning you into a depressed wreck without a home or a job…" Jean continued in a rush, as Eren felt his eyeballs threatening to pop out of his head, "and I might've marched up to Levi and made up some stupid excuse about you being hit on the head at lunch so that you'd forgotten all of your English."

"…And he bought it, did he?" Eren flatly asked.

"Well, it was worth a fucking try, okay?" Jean hissed, as he dragged them away from a few curious onlookers in the lobby and into an empty lift. "I mean, at least he rescinded his threat to fire you after he'd whacked me and Sasha managed to thaw some miniscule part of his heart."

"Hang on a moment." Eren raised his hand as he shook his head and attempted to wrap his brain around Jean's words. "You're saying that I still have a job after the stunt that I pulled… and it's because of you and _Sasha_, of all people?!"

"Yeah, pretty much," Jean answered, before he smirked and held out a strip of paper. "So guess who's still got the chance to play in our fun game?"

Eren's immediate response was to back into a corner of the lift and glare angrily at his friend.

"Oh, fuck no," he growled. "Do you really think that I'll continue to play when I almost lost my damn _job_ because of you?!"

"Of course," Jean smugly replied, as he forced the strip of paper into Eren's hand, "because you don't really have a choice in the matter. Did you forget that I could always convince Levi to kick your sorry arse out of here?

"And besides," he chuckled, as the doors opened to their floor, "it'll be more fun when you see what Levi's arranged for you."

Eren already knew, without looking, that it was going to be something horrific.

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His expectations weren't disappointed when he found that his cubicle had been moved to the one that was right in front of Levi's private office.

"Oh my _fucking_ god," Eren whispered, while Jean shook with the strain of keeping his laughter back, "are you telling me that I have to work _in front_ of Levi from now on?"

"Not only that," Jean snickered in obvious amusement, "you've also got to accompany Levi during your scheduled hours if he ever leaves so that he can keep an eye on you."

"You're joking, right?" Eren gasped in evident horror. "Levi couldn't possibly subject me to this much torture because I sassed him in German!"

"…I'm not actually joking," Jean replied in a bland tone. "And now I want to know about what you said to him in that office yesterday… though, you know, I was also quite serious when I said that you're still participating in our little game."

"There's no way I'm telling you what I said!" Eren hissed, before he straightened out the strip of paper in his fist and glanced down at it. "And what, exactly, is _this_?"

"It's your dare until lunch, obviously," Jean amusedly replied, "and for some reason, you managed to get the highest-scoring one _again—_"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second," Eren interjected. "Are you telling me that I'm winning so far?"

"Maybe, maybe not," his friend cryptically replied. "You'll only know if you complete your dare and you see me at lunch to confirm your score. Since I'm the only one with the updated scoresheet and yours probably got lost in the trash…"

"…Okay, fine, I'll do it," Eren huffed in exasperation, "but I'm going to haunt you if Levi murders me because of your stupid little game."

"That's fine by me," Jean airily said, "but you might want to go do your work before Levi comes and yells at you for yakking off. I think I can see him just over—"

But, before he could even hope to finish his statement, Jean found himself talking to thin air…

…because Eren had already scurried over to his cubicle, lest he received a verbal lashing from his boss.

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As his boss passed by his cubicle for the umpteenth time, Eren found his gaze drifting back to the slip of paper sitting innocently on his desk, amongst all the other sheets that he was supposed to look at. Although he couldn't help snarling at the words that stared back at him, a small part of his mind wondered how Jean (or whoever had created the dares) could be creative enough to come up with something so heinous and yet so amusing.

_Caw loudly every time someone walks through your cubicle door, like an annoying doorbell,_ Eren grumbled in the confines of his mind. _Well, at least I'm getting six points for it… though, to be fair, nobody's come into my cubicle so far._

And, oddly enough, nobody had been making their way into his work-space. Ordinarily, his cubicle would often see at least one person wandering into its depths to speak to him, dump more sheets on him or simply camp there so that they could escape their own work, but this had not been the case today. Perhaps it was because of the involuntary Levi-sized guard dog that he'd been assigned to as a result of his misdemeanours… but, whatever the reason, he was just glad that Connie hadn't come over yet—

"Hey Eren!" As a familiar-sounding voice interrupted his thoughts, Eren almost groaned aloud when he turned around and saw Connie's shaved head making its way towards his cubicle.

_Trust Connie to rain on his damn parade._

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he continued contritely, "honestly man, if I'd known that Levi would—"

"Caw!" Eren rudely interrupted, when Connie's foot stepped into his cubicle.

"…Uh, what was that?" Connie asked, as whatever he'd been planning to say flew straight out of his mind.

"It's what Jean made me do, you idiot," Eren gritted through his teeth, and Connie's facial muscles began to twitch as amusement and concern struggled to dominate his features.

"W-Wait a moment," he finally said, when amusement won over and he'd finished laughing. "Are you telling me that you're still playing, even after what happened yesterday?"

"Jean wouldn't take 'no' for an answer," Eren sourly replied, as he turned back to his work and lazily poked at one of the sheets scattered across his table, "so now I'm stuck playing this game while Levi stares holes into the back of my head with every passing minute."

"Ouch, I don't envy you there…" Connie mumbled, and Eren was somewhat glad for the concern that his friend was showing him.

But whatever tendrils of comfort that seeped from Connie's comments were abruptly severed when the last voice he'd wanted to hear decided to make itself known to them.

"Is this supposed to be some sort of tea-party, ladies?" an extremely sardonic voice asked, and Eren nearly blanched in horror when he saw Levi's unamused face peer out from his office. "Or are the two of you having a friendly chat while you shit all over your work, huh?"

"N-No sir," Connie replied, as he immediately straightened up and fixed an apologetic expression onto his face. "I was just handing a document over for Eren's perusal, sir, but he's finished checking it."

Eren briefly wondered if Connie had magical pockets in his pants when he pulled an official-looking sheet out of nowhere, but the thought disappeared when Levi began to take a few steps towards his cubicle. If he was to walk in, while his friend was here, and he had to fulfil his dare…

"So I think I'll just leave now, if nobody minds," Connie blurted out in a rush, as he quickly exited his cubicle and smiled awkwardly at their boss. "I mean, I might as well get back to work if there's nothing more that you or Eren need of me, sir."

Eren almost wept aloud when Levi stopped, a bare step from entering his cubicle, in favour of glaring at Connie's increasingly-awkward expression. If he wasn't intent on keeping his life or proving to the world that he was completely and utterly straight, regardless of what Jean tried to slur when they'd drank too much, he would've kissed his friend for saving his arse. As it was, though, he managed to sneak in a thankful look when Levi had finally finished with his grumpy perusal of Connie and had waved his hand to dismiss him.

However, as Levi stalked back to his office and Connie danced back to his cubicle (was the guy singing that Willow Smith song while he was whipping his _shaved_ head around? What in the…), Eren found his gaze drifting back to that slip of paper again.

Because, though he might've dodged a bullet just then…

…Eren was quite sure that the worst was still to come.

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Once again, Eren wasn't disappointed by his instincts when, barely ten minutes after Connie's arrival and departure from his cubicle, the strains of something loud made itself known to his ears. He wasn't irked by its presence because of its loudness, though.

He was rather annoyed at it… because it came from the cubicle right next to his.

And the person responsible for it just _happened_ to be Sasha.

Thanks to Levi's rather irritating fascination with his work, Eren had been too busy boring himself to death with the papers scattered across his table to pay attention to his new neighbours. It wasn't as if he wanted to know who he was sitting near anyway –for all he cared, they could be a Yeti and be of no interest to him– but anything was more preferable to actually doing his damn work. Yet he'd had no choice but to knuckle down and sign some of the papers that'd been dumped on his desk before he'd entered his cubicle because of Levi and his stupid nosiness.

But, when he'd gotten to the fifth or sixth paper, something soft yet unmistakable began to make itself known to him. It had started off innocently enough, with a quiet and slightly off-tune melody, but the commencement of German words threw him off a bit.

…and then, in the seconds that followed, things had begun to spiral out of control.

Instead of doing his work, as he'd been grudgingly carrying on with for the past ten minutes, Eren found his pen dropping from his fingers as he struggled to keep his mouth closed. His eyes (along with everyone else's on the floor, he'd assume) were too busy staring at Sasha as she bounded onto her work desk and began to half-sing and half-yell into the pen clutched tight in her hand.

"Torawareta kutsujoku wa  
>Hangeki no koushi da<br>Jouheki no sono kanata  
>Emono wo hofuru <em>Jaeger!<em>"

Eren didn't know much about whatever language Sasha was singing and the song was something that he'd never heard before, but he definitely recognised the last word in her shouted chorus.

What in the world was his last name doing in (what he could only guess was) a _theme song_?

The incredulous glances that zeroed in on his cubicle didn't make him feel much better, either.

"Hotobashiru shoudou ni  
>Sono mi wo yakinagara<br>Tasugare ni hi wo ugatsu  
>Guren no yumiya—"<p>

"Oi, Braus," an extremely irritated voice barked, "whatever in the fuck are you doing?"

Nobody had noticed Levi's presence, thanks to their rather intense fascination in whatever Sasha was singing on her table, but they all soon took notice of it when the singing abruptly died off. Even though his friend's face wasn't really turned to him, Eren could see that she was clearly petrified by the angry individual that was making his way to her cubicle. However, instead of fleeing like she most probably wanted to do, the girl clambered off her desk and walked, shakily, out of her cubicle to meet her fate.

But Levi's first stop wasn't her cubicle, and his first words weren't to her either.

Rather, his words were directed towards _him_, of all people.

"Jaeger, I expect to see you in my office when I'm done with Braus," Levi growled, as his eyes snapped towards Eren's half-open mouth, "and while you're waiting, you can stop catching flies in your mouth and get back to your work."

Eren quickly shut his mouth with an audible snap as Sasha snickered under her breath but, when Levi turned his glacial glare to her, whatever mirth she had immediately died down. However, he would later swear that she had mouthed 'dare completed' at a certain shaved head when she began to follow after Levi… though Eren wouldn't ever be quite sure of whether it'd occurred or not.

And so, as Sasha meekly followed Levi into his office and everyone settled down again, Eren found himself staring morosely at the sheets on his table as the minutes ticked by once more. He was most probably going to some sort of admonishment for Sasha's prank and Connie's long chat with him –though, to be honest, the guy could probably whip any excuse out of his arse if he was so inclined– but, until that time came, he might as well get on with his work.

…Or pretending to do his work, at any rate.

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"Come in," Levi called, and Eren obligingly opened the door and slipped into his office.

Levi looked no different from when Eren had seen him mere minutes ago but his tone, for some odd reason, was a lot less snappy than what he was used to. Perhaps it was because he was too tired to muster up his usual icy tone or he was gearing up to give him the tongue-lashing of a lifetime.

Eren sincerely hoped that it was the former reason that accounted for his tired tone.

"What did you call me for, Sir?" Eren asked, and he cursed at the slight waver that was evident in his voice. Even though he didn't really have a legitimate reason to be scared –unless Levi was going to bring up his conduct from yesterday– he was already bracing for some sort of sharp admonishment.

Instead, all he got was an odd glance and a hand that waved him over to his computer.

"Jaeger," Levi began, as Eren stood behind Levi's chair and observed the blank computer screen, "I believe that you and your friends have a certain… _tendency_ to shirk your work. The reason, as present, eludes me, but you really should know that I don't appreciate brats ruining our company's hard work.

"But that's not why I called you here," Levi continued, while he clicked on something and the screen flashed bright for a moment. "I just wanted your opinion on a prank that I seem to have received."

For a moment, Eren wondered why he, of all people, was supposed to give his opinion on a prank that he knew nothing about, but his confusion was instantly dispelled when the strains of a song began to filter through the speakers. A song that was, unfortunately enough, an extremely familiar one.

And, from what he could see on the screen, it'd had a few minor adjustments made to it.

Instead of Rick Astley's dapper expression as he warbled the infamous lyrics to 'Never Gonna Give You Up', Eren found his own (poorly Photoshopped) face on the singer as he capered across the screen. In the true fashion of all instances of 'Rick-Rolling', as the internet fad was known as, they could only sit and watch as the song continued to its thankful end. Nothing, including repeated attempts to close the browser or indenting the power button for seconds on end, had seemed to do the trick.

"Now," Levi finally uttered, when the abominable music video had finally left his screen, "unless you're suicidal or touched in the head, I have a funny feeling that you're not responsible for whatever _that_ was supposed to be. However, I feel like you might know something about the culprit of this prank…"

As Levi's expectant –and, in his eyes, somewhat threatening– gaze fell upon him, Eren swallowed nervously and furrowed his brow in an attempt to come up with the perpetrator of such a joke. Since nobody tampered with their boss unless they were, as Levi mentioned, either suicidal or touched in the head, he guessed that it had something to do with his group of daredevils.

Sasha had already done her dare, as far as he was concerned, and Connie didn't have enough of a vendetta against him to deliberately place him in Levi's way. The only person he could think of was one particularly horse-faced individual that would be more than happy to throw him under a bus if it meant that he'd get a few laughs out of it…

…but was it really worth risking Jean's employment to exact a little revenge on him?

On the one hand, Jean would most definitely pin the blame onto him; after all, who else had a vendetta against him and could be solely responsible for his job loss? There was the great chance that he'd get bitten right back on the arse and Jean would rat him out to Levi, which would eventuate in his job loss and his existence as a hobo on the streets… and that wasn't even the worst of the consequences that he could think of.

On the other hand, it'd be satisfying to see Horseface get his just desserts for forcing him into this stupid game and to get him back for all those times he'd pissed him off. He wouldn't have to face Jean again if he changed his timetable, since they only had two weeks until the semester ended and Jean wouldn't be fired until two weeks later under fair workplace laws and whatnot.

In fact, if he was lucky, the guy would be so ashamed that he'd tuck his tail between his legs and scamper away, while Eren basked under some form of protection from Levi and could even live the rest of his miserable existence in the company in relative peace and boredom. The game would be over, his life would be restored to its usual mundane style, and he could probably get away from Levi within a few months of good conduct.

So, being intelligent, Eren went with the option that was most obviously the best one for him.

"…I don't think I know who it is," Eren sadly replied, and Levi's gaze darkened at his words.

"Are you sure, Jaeger?" Levi asked firmly but, when it was clear that Eren seemed to know nothing of the perpetrator, he sighed deeply and turned away from him.

"Well, I suppose there's nothing I can do about it," Levi muttered, as he waved Eren towards the door, "so you might as well return to work. Apart from the usual threats, which include your immediate death should I hear a word of this breathed to anyone else, you're free to go."

And, as Eren walked outside and found it to be his lunch break, he couldn't help smiling to himself… because now, thanks to his decision to shield Jean, he had blackmail material on par with Jean's own.

Which meant that, with any luck, he could get Horseface back and get out of this retarded game.

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><p><em><strong>AN: **As always, feel free to leave a comment on the story or just a suggestion on whatever you'd like to see in the fic. I'm always up for more dares to weave in~_


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